OH MY GOD~!!

suet is going CRAZY soon ok~!!

yup tats me!!

im going crazy soon~!!

i guess i think i assume i predict tat cheyenne is going crazy abt le ba.

his craziness is unbelivable.

abit too over le ba.

making me feel so damn scary lor.

if i noe i dont online.

if i dont online den i wont sign on to msn.

if i nv sign on to msn den i wont see his nick.

if i nv see his nick den i wont go crazy.

and now im crazy le.

HOW?!

WAT CAN I DO?!

and.. dolly~

u reach home u off ur phone de ah.

y when i reach home i msg u but seems like u cant receive de.

well morning when u read the msg pls dont be shock.

but i noe u will be lah ah.

hais i dunno wat to do lah.

will talk abt it tonight ba~

yup today's my off day.

tot no plan with friends.

so i carry on with my hair saloon plan.

trimed my hair.

but not shorter.

coz im waiting for my hair to be longer and perm it~!!

hees.

yeah i REBOND my FRINGE le hor.

so.. jies~

esp IRIS but i noe she wont read this.

dont talk abt my fringe anymore liao hor.

lalala~

wana see how is it right.

no pic at this moment.

but i got one pic with dolly.

will show it to u all when she send me.

but i dunno when lah ah.

well its better for u all to meet me up at talk a look.

lols!

ya lor.

when ah?

i oso dunno.

plan ah.

one day come out for dinner.

to those who always mia de.

u noe who u are lah ah.

no need to name u all.

=p

miss u all lah.

u all nv miss me and the rest who turn up for gatherings de meh.

so bad de leh u all.

=(

hmm ya aft i went to saloon.

went to toa payoh to meet ayu.

tot of waiting for nina to finish work and see whether got plan to go out or not.

ended up she say she tired aft work.

so well ayu went home.

and i called up dolly for our fries session lor.

lols.

lisa rushing project.

candice at ecp.

so still the 2 of us lor.

chat till 12plus.

wana go off liao.

den.. raining cats and dogs.

sians.

waited awhile for cab.

den i reach home.

tats when i became crazy.

ya tats wat u read in the beginning.

-_-

ohh ya.

ganjiong called me wor~!!

so damn shock tat he will call me.

had not been contacting him and the rest of those guys since graduate.

ya those poly guys lor.

except for jinlong ba.

tat time was talking abt uni stuffs.

aft tat oso no contact liao.

ya.

when he call.

i ans.

he say 'hello ah lian ah'

i was like huh 'who are u'

den he say 'im ganjiong lah'

'ohh ganjiong ah si mi tai ji'

lols.

yup.

so long nv contact until they always call me ah lian i oso nearly forget liao.

haa.

chatted with him abt half an hr lor.

talk abt him.

talk abt me.

talk abt the rest of the guys lor.

well all of them not going to graduation.

so bored.

haas.

nvm i got my airen.

hee.

=p

ya talked abt those guys.

they are doing well now.

zhao - working for auntie like 'dog'.. so damn busy.. waiting for ns on sept

norman - ns liao. serving the nation

philip - found a job liao. quite a good job though

jason - reservist. serving the nation

edwin - ns too ba. not very sure

jinlong - happily with the gf. working at gf's dad's company. tats wat he told me previously.

well who else?

think tats the gang tat we always hang ard with ba.

yup take care guys.

hope to meet up soon.

(:

well meeting up my crazy 5 girls tonight for a catch up session.

but its always short of 1 de lah.

its always shanyun.

coz she's not the kind of having night life unlike the 4 of us.

yup its had been quite some time the 4 of us sit down and have a good chat le.

really looking forward for tonight's meet up.

(:

well im worried abt u too.

afterall u are my friend.

since i regard u as my friend.

i really hope tat u are alright.

take care okie?

(:

well.

work.

work.

work.

just came back supper with with nina and ayu.

ya later is my off day.

till now still no plans.

if not i think i might be going to saloon ba.

next week my graduation liao.

hee.

=p

planned to go saloon last monday de.

but went to airport to sent ahmad off.

den went back nyp to collect my graduation suit.

den went to see doctor as i was sick like nobody business.

lols.

den lastly met up for june's bdae.

busy dae.

haa.

hmm yup last fri met up dolly and friends at vivo to slack.

my emo session.

=x

den aft vivo dolly and me went for supper.

yummy frog porridge.

and my sudden cravings for oyster.

lols.

and we met 1 crazy woman tat made me SO FED UP.

haha.

den we walked home.

coz we at macpherson nia.

not tat really far.

its a form of exercise too.

aft eating.

wahaha~

well as i had decided wat i wana do next.

den..

faridah dont allow me resign.

sounds ridiculous right?

hais.

wat can i do?

hais.

y am i stressing over things tat im not suppose to stress abt.

y am i crying over stuffs tat im silly to cry for.

hais.

i dunno wat else i can say abt me.

im just finding trouble for myself?

perhaps ba.

just came back from hung ming bdae chalet.

yup real great~!!

meeting up with all those bartleyans.

he sae till like got ALOT of ppl.

ended up is oso tat few.

lols.

real fun.

the fun tat i cant get from elsewhere.

wee loon hung ming the joker the lamer.

the lame jokes we all used to have.

well if wana enjoys their lame jokes hafta enjoy it now.

if not when they go into ns.

aft ns i dont think the guys will be as lame as before le.

haha.

well lastly thanks loon for the ride back.

(:

first day went back to work aft my sickness.

still feel abit blur.

well mayb coz of my medicine made me drowsy.

hmm.

aft this sickness.

rested for 2 days.

the more i think i need a break.

when can i have my break?

when can i have my holidays?

im seriously tired.

mentally tired.

hais.

and one more thing.

cheyenne is making more stress day by day.

well i just take it easy.

i need time.

i really need more time.

i really cant make myself to believe in relationship.

basically all guys sux.

hmm mayb i cant 'one stick hit whole ship ppl' (DIRECT chinese translation. LOL)

but well wat to do.

all the guys i met are all the ones kena hit.

so how am i going to believe guys?

hmm so cheyenne if u think u can wait u just wait.

if not u can just let go.

(:

i miss my crazy five girls badly~!!

not only just meet dolly for a drink.

i wana meet dolly and lisa and candice and shanyun~!!

the laughter we had rocks the whole orchard road.

lols.

our endless topics of chattings.

really.

i miss u girls.

meet up soon k?

(:

hmm.

had been sick for a couple of days.

3 days of mc.

even though im sick.

i did not miss out my june san jie's bdae celebration.

(:

the remaining 2days i stayed at home and rest.

yup i missed out this year's crew outing.

lots of reasons behind it.

hais.

forget it.

its just a soeul garden.

wat he said to me is real or fake?

am i suppose to believe him?

yup i had somehow decided.

its time for me to have a new job.

new environment.

staying wherever i am dont seem like any bright future for me.

as for my stubborns thinkings i used to have.

i will try to overcome them.

wat am i going to be?

well yup.

persueing my childhood dream ba.

hee.

=p

wish me good luck k!!

phew~

damn long ever since i last blog.

anyone of u miss me?

yup i do miss all of u.

my crazy five girls.

my jies.

my poly gang.

nowadays i somehow only spend time and hang out with my work friends.

going out with them aft work can consider my everyday life already.

having dinner or supper.

chilling out.

chatting.

till late in the midnight.

dont give a damn wat time we are working the next day.

even though we only get to slp less den 4hrs almost everyday.

we oso dont care.

we already used to it liao.

haa.

anyway apit went ns liao.

so our outing aft work might not be as often as b4 i guess?

miss him.

as in miss his irritate-ness.

tats wat i told him b4 he going in.

poor ayu hafta miss him everyday.

well i still do meet up dolly and ken for a drink.

to relax myself.

not to think so much.

de-stress ba.

yup but not too much.

(:

miss the st james session with dolly.

coz jun's dad admited to hospital.

we all went to visit him and jun.

as when she called me she was crying over the phone till very jialat.

worried abt her.

when i say we all aft work go and see her.

she sae not need to be so trouble.

den she kena scold from me.

'friends trouble wat!!'

haa.

=p

but its true lah ah.

i really dunno how to put it in words.

hmm.

having someone to love you is great.

yup i believe everyones noes tat.

wat if at the same time more den one love you?

wat will the suituation be like?

y are they treating me so nice?

wat motives they got?

u see.

last week i got sore eyes.

my eyes got infection by contact lens.

so im not going to wear my lens for time being.

he (im) work overnight.

have not slp yet.

die die wana acc me see doctor when he get to noe tat my eyes go worst.

thanks im.

(:

and today i got sore throat.

i was talking on phone with customer and i cough till very jialat.

he (cheyenne) get someone to buy strepcells for me.

thanks cheyenne.

(:

to say the fact.

both of them claimed tat they like me.

but im's case is more jialat.

i got a feeling tat he like treating me as his gf.

i dont wish history will happen.

i told him sth.

he cried over the phone.

the way we contacting each other is lke under table de lor.

dont wana let ppl noe coz im sure there is ppl will gossip abt it.

i reallie dunno wat to do.

i think its better to hurt ppl rather den getting myself hurt.

but its reallie BAD to hurt ppl.

so how?

hais.

wat can i do?

and cheyenne's case is totally different.

he is like going round the whole store telling ppl.

he even call my workplace mother.

mother-in-law liao.

lols.

i still thinking y he ask me tat qns.

hmm well.

will continue on my next post.

FUCK!!!

NOW im just simply fucking damn freaking du lan!!!

i dunno y.

i seriously dont understand y.

i earn 1k per mth u can spend 1.5k per mth.

even if i work 25hrs per dae oso not enough for u to spend.

fine i noe ur medical fees is ex.

i noe with all the bills and stuffs.

i calculated and its not up to tat extent.

yet im only allowed to spend not even 200bucks of my pay.

u say i spend alot.

now u say.

who spend more?

pls lah.

stop it lah k.

dont make me go the evil ways.

hais.

anybody can tell me any ways to rob the bank without being caught?

MONEY can really make me freak off man.

for dunno watever reasons.

i was chosen for the filming.

i oso dunno who the the main characters.

the device?

the 3 children?

or me?

haa.

i oso nv see the results how is the filming.

heard tat it will appear on tv.

omg~

paiseh leh.

scary.

lol.

hais.

i dunno lah.

its difficult to live lah like this.

and its even more to live happily.

last sat night went clubbing with louise and friends at velvet dragon.

the ppl i saw there made me shocked.

yup i noe some of them.

but i just got no comments.

i really felt guilty and felt sorry.

saying sorry is seriously USELESS.

im really glad tat he's not angry with me.

(:

very long i nv work for so long hrs liao.

ytd i worked for 14hrs.

12pm to 2am.

for me to work so long hrs.

depend on who is working.

not everyone i will help de.

and oso depend on my mood too ba.

how i wish can work so long hrs everyday.

can earn much more money.

and i wont be bored and lonely too.

i believe wat i heard is true.

we just need one moment to fall in love.

but we need one life time to forget someone.

thanks for letting me cry out.

i might felt better everytime i cry it out.

but how many times i need to cry it out?

cry till im dehydrated?

cry till no more tears?

2 good friends can quarrel till whole dae dont talk to each other.

although the both of them always quarrel.

but is the first time i see them quarrel till so jia lat.

both are oso my good friends.

both oso have their own reasons.

i listened to the both of them.

who shall i side?

all i can say is.

being friends must oso respect each other decisions.

more and more work and tasks i hafta do and complete.

im suffocating.

who can help me?

i NEED a break.

i NEED a holiday.

i NEED to rest.

'xiu xi she wei le zhou geng zhang yuan de lu'

but is there anymore 'lu' for me to 'zhou'?

hmm.

another post.

to blog everyday is to let u all noe tat im still alive?

or i shld mia and let ppl look for me?

worry abt me?

ya.

but who will look for me or worry abt me in the first place?

hmm.

u might think im silly or rather im damn childish.

many many yrs back i kept on thinking.

if one day im sick seriously or met in an accident and admitted to hospital.

who will go and visit me?

and till now so many yrs aft.

this qns is always in my mind.

who is the one will be by my bed to acc me?

will there be big grps of my friends to surround my bed everyday?

imaging wat the suituation will be like.

hais.

they go out but nv ask me along.

seriously im alright with it.

he asked me y i nv join them.

i told him tat they nv ask me.

yupp.

wat else can i sae?

ohh ya.

suddenly i found so many ppl going for the graduation ceremony liao.

now beng leong and wee loon going too.

lols.

hmm.

yupp.

the loneliness is there.

i feel the loneliness.

but wat can i do?

hais~

shit!

wat can i say?

really sorry for wat i had done.

sorry for my actions.

wth~

y is she staying for another mth?!

we all are just suffering during her exist.

cant she just leave or rather 'disappear' asap?!

-_-

there are 2 heart broken girls.

and now u are having the power of love.

best wishes from me.

(:

y must everything turns out to be memories?

y cant it keep on existing and become reality instead?

back from my shopping spree.

got myself a skinny jeans.

hope i will look 'skinner' wearing it.

lol.

oso got myself a anna sui wallet.

yup.

finally got a wallet.

haa.

hmm.

gss coming very soon.

just see wat i will get ba.

=P

well.

i did not spree online anymore le.

no time to follow up.

late abit nick kena put on topic.

sians.

until now.

wat else can i say?

i just dont wana compare my life with others.

the more i compare.

the more i think life is meaningless.

just dont think tat u are the worst.

u are always better den someone.

den life wont be tat misarable le ba.

i guess?

hopefully lor.

but these kind of thinkings sometimes just cheating urself nia.

watever it is.

just think of the positive side.

the brighter view.

yup.

i had tried my very best to move on my life.

but i not yet recover.

not yet overcome.

ohh ya.

met up with candice ytd night aft our work.

we went cine for a movie.

den met john there.

john aka 'bookshop auntie's son'.

lol.

really find it funnie the way i rmb him.

yup great.

met up with another pri sch friend.

keep in touch~

(:

hmm.

got rejected by ntu.

so nus got not much hopes oso le ba.

just get into the working society earlier.

so can clear my debts earlier.

finally i found someone who wana go graduation ceremony liao.

from wat i noe.

jinlong bengleong weeloon not gg ba.

but now i found someone liao.

not anyone else but my AI REN~

lol.

i chose the purchase the graduation suit.

aft a LONG time of consideration.

haa.

hmm its reallie time to meet up my poly friends liao man.

ever since last day of fyp.

which is 16feb.

nv see each other liao.

boon is asking for a gathering.

jinlong is asking for gathering too.

but i think it will be 2 different gatherings ba.

boon jio de ppl cant click with jinlong jio de ppl.

jinlong jio de ppl oso cant click with boon jio the ppl.

but im like both side oso can de.

lol.

see how lah.

they got jio me den i go lah.

im really lazy to organise gathering liao man.

opps!

=x

really hope tat next sat's night out is on lor.

louise always jio me out ended up not on de.

i dunno abt this time lah.

just wait and see lor.

there's alot more for me to say.

but i just dunno how to put into words.

hais~

this morning woke up with my eyes swollen.

its a chance for me to get mc and escape form work.

but i chose to go work with my swollen eyes.

and tmr.

i can chose to take mc if i wan to.

coz we all already say tat we will go saloon together.

but still i chose to work n ps them the saloon session.

well.

wat else can i say abt me.

yup.

im a workholic.

bth~

today i saw a slim chance.

i hope is wat i wana get long ago.

but its better for me dont put so much hope yet.

if not i will get damn freaking disappointed.

somehow find myself abit useful.

i can talk to him when he is sad or rather demoralise.

i saw the whole situation.

i can understand how he feel.

if i were him.

i oso dunno wat to do.

if talk back sure got conflict.

if keep quiet ppl will crawl on top of his head.

hais.

wat to do?

hmm.

seriously i dunno wats up in ur mind.

but just wana tell u dont need to feel guilty.

or u dont feel it at all.

i reallie got no idea.

am i wrong if i say i miss you?

i just simply cant forget.

the places.

the shows.

the songs.

the talks.

the things.

the distance.

the time.

everything everything and everything.

i just cant forget.

have u?

today's slacking session turns out to be a 'crying' session.

not coz of me.

but coz of her.

but i ended up crying too.

just wana let myself feel better and oso to share her pain too.

although her pain is much much more den mine.

but my scar is there.

its hurting me too.

as wat i had told her and the rest.

i cant advise her to let go coz me myself still cant let go too.

i cant teach her to recover coz me myself have not recover yet.

all i can do is to hold her hands and tear together.

like wat she said.

wat we wants is to be loved.

to be cared.

to be concerned.

to be pampered.

to be hoaxed.

is tat very difficult?

well.

perhaps life is difficult ba.

secret is no longer secret anymore.

DONT ask me wat is it.

i tot i can hide is from everyone forever.

zhi shi bao bu zhu huo de.

now.

next.

tmr.

i dunno how to face her.

i dunno how to face the rest.

hais.

shld i say sorry?

but things had already happened.

no use saying sorry.

i really dunno wat to do.

end here?

move on?

hais.

y is my life getting more messy and messy?!

everything tat had happened really mess up my freaking life.

i hate my life.

i hate myself even more now~!!

sorry i just cant love myself anymore.

i dont wish to recall when is the day u started to be cold towards me.

coz if i do.

i will find myself more fool.

more dumb.

more idiot.

more stupid.

watever~!!

dont worry.

i did not hate u.

and i WONT hate u.

for now and forever.

yup.

if u think tat to leave me u will lead a more happier life.

wat else can i say?

yup.

everyone say tat i had already tried my best.

yes.

i had tried my very best.

so wat?~

i still get back nothing.

u owe me something.

i hope i will get it.

one told me is no longer impt get it or not.

but i dont care.

i just wana get it.

one day one told me tat 'life is not abt love'

next day one told me tat 'life is not abt study'

well~

so who can tell me 'life is abt wat'?

im really lost.

well.

yup.

for so much things that had happened.

i admit and declared that.

im naive.

im childish.

im innocent.

im brainless.

im fool.

in short and simple.

im stupid.

more and more meet ups with u gers.

yup its damn great.

our endless chit chat.

our endless topics.

our endless **.

u noe.

i noe.

we all noe ah.

lol.

=D

kbox coming up~

still no reply.

still no letter.

den how am i gg to plan my fututre?

although all the while im not the kind of ppl will plan my future de.

but now.

im really like lost.

dunno wth im doing.

if i really got rejected by both uni.

i told myself give me 2 more mths.

see my current job will give me any better offer or not.

if not i got better offer liao.

met samuel recently.

he came to store last week or so ba.

i just simple shouted his name when we open my party storeroom door.

lol.

im just happy and shocked to see him lah.

miss him?

wahaha.

damn long ever since i last saw him.

think since end of last yr ba.

he got job offer asked me wana go join him or not.

can pay me up till 2.5k per mth.

hmm really lah.

i got more den enough reasons for me to leave my current job.

hais.

i just dont bear to leave.

5yrs leh.

is just like letting go of a 5yrs relationship.

ya.

im just a emo and loyal ppl.

hais.

wat will i be?

think i will decide and made my decision by august ba.

this world and this society is cruel.

i nice others nicely.

ppl treated me like shit.

'THANKS'

i just got a feeling tat she will backstab me in one way or another.

hais.

or im over sensative again.

dunno lah.

so is either she gone or i disappear.

u all have to believe me this time round.

trust me.

there is NO true friends at work.

colleagues will only always be colleagues.

nth more.

colleagues cant be best friends.

best friends better not become colleagues.

the world is small too.

one of ken's friend, fauzie, is my trumpet junior~!

the worst thing is.

i forgot who is he.

haa.

he rmb when there's me sure there's yun.

when there's yun sure there's me.

lol.

he rmb yuwei.

he still rmb yuwei can blast very loud.

he rmb ian.

he rmb gary.

he rmb gary as spiky hair or amani ba.

he even rmb chong meng.

basically he rmb the whole trumpet section.

but i just cannt rmb him.

im gg to look for the speech day photos.

he told he he's there.

haa.

and oso!

he oso rmb all my jies lor.

power lah.

when i name june yuxiu iris luvina.

he can rmb all the names.

even the alumni like soefian zhaohao he oso noe.

and oso one more thing.

he oso tot mdm wu and mr wee is husband and wife.

lol.

hmm wah~

our band talk..

thinking back.

yup.

miss those days.

miss band.

miss playing trumpet.

haa.

=D

life is a matter of live on or death.

if i choose to live on.

i will encounter lots of situation.

i can be sad.

i can be happy.

i can be hurt.

i can be loved.

if i choose death.

i dont even need to feel sad.

i dont even need to get hurt.

isn't it better?

i still cant accept it.

unless till the day comes.

i fell again.

blue blacks can be cured aft a few days.

but the pain i felt this time round.

it reallie hurts me alot.

who to cure my pain?

how to cure my pain?

wat to cure my pain?

how long will it take to cure my pain?

im really really REALLY bu fu qi.

y am i always ended up hurt by guys?

have i did anything wrong for u all to treat me in tat way?

god is so unfair.

life is so unfair.

perhaps nth is fair in the earth ba.

ppl asked me to accept wat comes along my life.

sorry this time i really cant accept it.

unless im given a reasonable reason.

if not i wont accept the fact.

ppl told me tat tasting pain and sorrow is parts and parcels of life.

well everything is oso parts and parcels of life.

hmm even die is oso parts and parcels of life.

y not i die earlier?

so tat i dont need to go thru so much pain and sorrow.

i was told to love myself.

no i cant do tat.

i simply hate myself more.

i dont know how to be strong.

im just not a strong girl.

if being a strong girl have to go thru alot.

i will rather stay as a 'not a strong girl'.

i really dont wana go thru so much.

i just wana a simple life.

back from work.

can sae is totally moodless ba.

the ppl ard me.

the environment ard me.

how ppl treating me.

how ppl treated me.

things tat is happening.

things tat had happened.

the stress.

everything everything and EVERYTHING~!!!

yup so sorries my girls.

i lose my temper todae once again.

todae is just not my dae.

i fell while walking.

both my knees is full of patches and patches of blue blacks.

hais.

i tot i can happier aft i finish work.

but it did not happen.

thanks girls for ur regards.

*touched

really much appreciated.

girls are really more sensative to each other's feelings.

sians.

i shld be with them now outside enjoying night life.

but..

i just cant.

hais.

is reallie not the matter of i want or dont want.

is the matter of can or cannot.

of coz i want lah.

staying at home is real bored.

having friends to chill out is great.

hais.

she just dont understand tat.

nv ever she will ba i guess.

felt kinda hurt when u said tat.

hais.

nvm ba.

i cry is to vent out my sadness.

so dont stop me frm crying k?

well.

seems like more and more ppl had receive letter from uni and being accepted.

but not me.

michelle accepted by sim's double major in communications and psychology.

xiu accepted by nus and ntu's biz.

ian accepeted by ntu's 3yrs degree in computer science 1.5yrs masters in georgia tech.

beng accepted by ntu's eee.

as for me leh.

just wait and see how's the outcome lor.

today is monday.

yup my off day lor.

kinda bored leh.

no one date me out.

seems like no one is free.

staying home whole will only increase my laziness and piggyness.

eat more and slp more.

-_-

online surf net only can do those limited stuffs.

post blog.

read blog.

check mail.

friendster.

wat else can i do online?

and im not the kind of playing online game.

wah.

sian ah!!

someone save me pls!!

haa.

im not worrying abt my next monday.

coz i already had a date with u.

u are finally FREE~!!

hee.

all the best wor!!

(:

haiya.

see lah.

wat the hell i wan?!

work i say tired.

nv work i sae sian.

anyone can just tell me wat shld i do.

hais.

i miss you.

one more week has ended.

time really flies.

tmr is the month of may le.

really getting older and older each day.

but do i look TAT old?

i got 1 regular customer who asked me am i married.

how many kids i have.

is like...

WAT THE HELL LOR~!!

well is alright tat she sae i looked married or wat.

but her second qns real SHOCKED me like nobody business.

'HOW MANY' kids i have?!

wah~

feel like fainting in my lobby at tat point of time man.

lucky she is one of our regulars.

lucky she is a pregnant mother.

if not i dunno wat will i do to her.

haa no lah.

im not tat bad.

im a good girl.

-_-

well anyway.

jun was telling me tat if i got the chance to be promoted to SAE.

i might as well go for it and try.

yup think i will if i really got the chance.

(:

i received letter form nyp saying abt my graduation ceremony.

kinda excited like tat leh.

lol.

its on 5july 1pm.

wana come and see me wear the graduation suit?

all come leh!!

think will be fun man.

haa.

but think will be sad too.

hmm maybe not sad.

more towards touching ba.

will i be crying on tat say?

hmm reminds me of bartley graduation.

still no letter from ntu and nus.

no more hopes?

waiting for rejection letter?

just wait and see ba.

although the time we spent together is less.

we will still feel the love for each other at all times.

we will still hold our hands together to complete the journey of our life.

i promise i will be a good girlfriend k?

(:

well as wat had happened to me during the past week.

i felt tat the past week is a disaster week for me.

as a new week had begins 4hrs ago.

wish me all the best in the new week ba.

i wana be happy.

surprizes hopes and wishes come true can?

den i can be the most xing fu girl liao.

=P

27 april 2007 'suppose' to be a day tat im looking forward since 15 march.

coz i had been going ard and telling ppl tat im going for a 4hr cruise with my company.

yup finally there is a STAR outing since 5 to 8yrs ago.

during these 6weeks and 1 day i had been so damn excited abt it.

i had already said 'suppose' to be a happy one.

but somehow i brought my worryness and sadness up to the cruise.

i still managed to enjoyed myself.

with the funnie emcee.

with the fun games.

with the funniest entertainment shows by our business managers.

with the buffet although i only had 1 round of food coz just dont feel like eating.

with the dance floor disco.

with 1 glass of white wine.

with 10mins of karaoke.

the most impt 1 is the graduation ceremony.

yup.

we all STARs had graduated from level 1.

we got our class photo.

we got our certificate.

we got our pin.

we saw our new uniform.

kinda cool.

another thing tat im looking forward now.

yup.

really thank all of our SAEs.

bosses.

business managers.

business consultants.

and whoever put in the effort, time, , money, countless proposals and bla bla bla.

to let us shine.

to let us enjoy thoroughly during the 4hrs.

without them putting in all these.

we are just NOTHING.

yup.

reallie thank from my bottom of my heart.

(:

aft the cruise.

went home with irene.

ya.

she just live few block away from mine.

she is the event manager.

so wat so ever event she is the one who plan it.

including of cruise outing.

hmm.

had a sort of 'heart-to-heart' talk with her.

like im talking to my boss.

kinda stress.

but told her watever is in my heart.

watever i think of.

ya.

felt much more better.

aft the talk with her.

i really found out tat i so love my store.

everything will think for my store.

nv think for myself.

hais.

actually is a bad thing.

to get promoted to SAE is not a bad idea though.

but.

but..

but...

for me there is just endless of butsss...

anyway.

i will reallie demoralise if she got promoted.

although she is my good friend.

its not the matter of jealousy.

is demoralising.

well it had been abt 2mths ever since i go out supper with them.

hmm.

wat can i describe myself.

im a sensative girl who always have contrudicting feelings.

hais.

when they did not call me out i felt left out.

when they call me out this time round i felt bad.

yup.

indeed i really felt so BAD.

den i found out tat.

different status going out got different feelings.

REALLY VERY sorry tat made u felt disappointed in me.

i really dunno wat else can i do or say other then saying sorry.

im really scared.

im really fear.

im really worried.

still rmb wat i had promised u?

as wat i had said.

a promise means is a promise.

i said it out i will make sure i will do it.

if not i can go bang wall and die.

well since its over le.

no point for me to look back.

and definately im not regretting.

coz if i were to choose to regret anything.

first i will choose to regret is.

y am i here in this world?

so just stop talking abt regretting.

hais.

i so damn hope and wish tat im really thinking too much.

till now i still dont have confidence in myself too.

hais.

wat shall i do to gain more confidence in myself?

missing you is wat i will be doing every day every hr every min every sec.

yup.

its onli you.

now is 0200hrs.

and im still up.

onli i will noe the reason y.

i dunno y.

i just felt left out.

i felt alone.

hais.

i dunno they meant it or not.

i oso feel tat im being used by my friends.

hais.

i dunno lah.

mayb im over too sensative le ba.

i tend to be more sensative when im damn tired.

ya.

im damn tired now after work.

-_-

well im just a little girl who wants a little bit more attention.

i hope to see surprises.

but ended up are disappointments.

no matter wat i try to look at the bright side.

is tat a stupid act?

depends.

sometimes it is.

i will leave all the sadness aside and start a new day tmr.

tmr will be a brand new day for me.

sm:)e and be happie~!!

just off from work.

todae i worked 8hrs.

but it seems i had worked for 80hrs.

so damn tired.

dont ask me y.

i oso dunno y.

haa.

chatting with my ai ren.

missing her.

till i cant slp.

lol.

dunno she still got visit my blog or not.

ai ren must visit my blog ohh.

hee.

=p

haiya we really must meet up one day lor.

be it the 2 of us or with the rest.

hee.

missing you~

today is monday.

my off day.

tot every mon can go out and slack with friends.

but not today ba.

i had slept for 17hrs.

coz i had been awake for 44hrs.

went out to ton on sat night.

continue to work on sun without any sleep.

was so damn sleepy and tired.

i dunno i had yawn how many times when im working.

well but towards evening.

i really hope tat tat is not the way to make me stay awake.

but i think the fact it is.

hais.

thanks audrey for giving me excellent for my performance report.

resulting in an increase in my hourly rate.

thanks fred who look high on me.

willing to pay me 1.6k per month.

ya.

now hafta see how's the result of my entry to uni.

den fred will make his decision.

im really having a secured job.

im not afraid of losing job or retrench.

coz mac is always lack of employees.

haa.

my junior derrick just msn and send me their pieces they played for their syf this year.

sadly they got bronze this year.

only 16 got gold.

well im like missing those band days.

):

i really hope tat wat is mine will always be mine.

okie?

our friendship wont get apart just coz of tat.

if tat really will cause our friendship to get apart.

i wont agree to tat in the first place.

(:

5 weeks 4 days.

still counting on always.

=P

ytd night went chomp chomp with dolly and lisa.

let me list out wat the THREE(3) of us ate.

1) 2 plates of hokkien mee
2) 1 plate of Sotong
3) 1 plate of kangkong
4) 1 plate of sting ray
5) 2 pieces of chicken wing
6) 4 stick of satay
7) 1 bowl of beancurd
8) 1 plate of fried oyster
9) 1 plate of rojak
10) 2 extra large sugar cane

LOL.

=D

amazing?

haha.

aft we ate.

we frm there walked to near st. gabriel's sch.

haha.

far hor?

dunno y we can just do all those amazing stuffs.

haha!!

den we took a cab from there home.

actually wanted to walk home.

but its TOO wu loo for us to walk.

plus lisa and me work since morning.

damn tired liao.

still walk home?

think will lie flat halfway.

lol.

=D

enjoyed myself to the max with the 2 of them always.

although added ALOT of fats and calories.

=x

bosses travel in my store today.

jeffery, my market manager asked me interested to become manager or not.

its like a -DUH- qns.

if got the chance of coz i will grab lah.

well see how ba.

aft 5yrs of hardwork.

really hope to see sth different.

all these still have to go thru my restaurant manager.

my business consultant.

my business manager.

tsk tsk tsk.

stress.

-_-

hmm yup.

finally i willing to go see doctor.

mc for todae.

just slacking at home.

dunno wat to do.

tats y i dont reallie like to stay at home.

its just freaking boring.

i like to be outside.

at least got accompanyment.

yup as usual.

i HATE to be left ALONE.

tats me and always will be me.

ur heart hurts.

hey.

my heart do hurts too.

im a human.

im not cold blooded.

im not heartless.

i noe how to think.

i noe who treat me nice.

i noe who is nasty to me.

a promise means is a promise.

just go and ask ard.

i hate ppl who break promise.

unless i hate myself.

my feelings got cheated before too.

maybe not as worst as urs.

but i noe the feelings of got cheated is sux.

is like everything is ending.

i reallie feel like dying at tat point of time.

reallie thanks those who help me to overcome it.

i fell and i had learnt to get up and walk again.

i reallie dunno wat else can i prove it to u.

facta non verba.

deeds not words.

actions speaks louder than words.

yup.

we shall see.

happily in love.

hee.

=P

well.

wat can i start with?

wat will i start with?

todae is the first dae of a new week.

i had said.

i hope this week will be a great one.

so i will try my best to be happy.

everybody seems like wana gathering.

haa.

im meeting my jies on thurs.

full attendance?

i dunno.

as usual i dont care.

i will just attend when there is a gathering.

i dont wana let iris feel bad.

imagine u organise a gathering.

and damn few ppl turn up.

the feeling is sux.

well i understand how the feeling is like.

and on the other hand.

dolly kept on asking me when are gg to chomp.

lol.

ya ya.

soon soon.

we will be chomp-ing soon.

by this week k!!

hee.

=P

to take mc or not?

to see doctor or not?

my toe still hurt me like nobody's business.

if i mc tmr.

and i wont be in store on wed and thurs.

but i still got quite a number of tasks undone.

can i be less busy?

y am i so responsible?

y am i having so much passion?

my fault?

in life there is times tat we need to make important decision.

i decide to go grand opening dry run instead of nus interview.

yes im sure everybody will ask me y.

well.

i got my own reason for choosing work ba.

no matter wat will happen in the future.

i hope i wont made the wrong decision.

wish me all the best ba.

(:

anyway reallie hope tat the grand opening will be a great and fun one.

just felt glad and honoured to be 1 of the 9 of them out of total 40 of us.

reallie wanted to go to these kind of big events ages ago.

everytime im not 1 of them.

now there is chance for me.

i wont let it go.

who noes anytime or anything can be my stepping stone for my next level?

actually for me to carry on study.

is a burden to me and to my mother.

to work while study is freaking not easy.

ppl ard me can hooray hooray during weekends.

hu haa outside.

chilling with friends.

shopping at orchard.

but me?

i had been spending my 5yrs of weekends working.

just to support myself and my mother.

and my i still owe the bank a few k coz of my poly fees.

if i reallie continue to study uni.

how much money will i owe the bank?

how much time will i need to return them?

so seriously shit to think far for myself and my mother and perhaps my brother.

i reallie cant afford to study uni.

(:

i believe in this chinese saying.

'xian ku hou tian'

somehow i dont mind suffer during young age.

all i hope for is i can enjoy my life when im old.

no need to fan abt money.

coz seeing those old uncles and aunties in my store still work.

reallie feel sad for them.

i will reallie prove it to u.

(:

i dont know.

i dont know..

i dont know...

i just feel like crying.

hais.

suet ah u are over too sensitive le.

suet ah u are thinking too much.

suet ah u are abit too much.

reallie sound like me right?

yup im trying my best and trying hard to get rid of my those bad points.

the past week seems like a disaster week.

hope the coming new week will be a great one.

hope i will feel better.

(:

im reallie glad tat there is ppl out there who reallie care abt my feelings.

coz im always tot tat im the left-out child.

im just a NOBODY.

thank YOU~!!

i reallie appreciate the caring-ness tat ppl gave me.

hmm well.

to keep everything to oneself is kinda bad.

if u dont mind im willing to be ur listening ears.

anytime.

anyday.

(:

sorry to show u my pek cek-ness.

i meant no harm.

partly coz of my seriously injured toe.

if i goes to see doctor.

im sure i will get mc.

but dunno y.

i just refuse to go see doctor.

stupid?

maybe lah.

i oso dunno wat will i get for being tat hardworking.

hais.

how to describe sad?

how to describe happy?

when am i reallie sad?

when am i reallie happy?

im at home now.

blogging~

well by right i suppose not to be at home.

i shld be enjoying myself at apit's chalet.

hais but wat to do.

my mother kept on making noise tat i always stay out.

since when tat i 'always' stay out.

reallie made me fed up.

so wat jun talked to my mother ytd night.

ya still have to thanks to her coz she somehow or rather convince my mother.

but my mother oso like dont believe jun.

the worst thing is tat she dont believe.

do u noe wat is the feeling like when ur own mother dont believe her own daughter?

well perhaps u all dunno how the feeling is like.

she just dont trust me AT ALL~!!

this reallie made me real fed up and boil.

hais.

why?!

wHy?!

WhY?!

WHY?!?!

okie.

she is worried abt me.

(:

y am i always feeling the same?

can i dont feel it tat way?

hais~

watever it is.

all i want is history wont happen again.

dunno y im easily committed into sth.

once committed will fall deep into it.

den will be very difficult for me to let go and give up.

if reallie i have to let go and give up.

i will be damn sad and it will hurt me alot.

i failed my basic theory.

nth to be ashame of ba i think.

no more swensens.

-_-

going to rebook it on mon with nina.

i will pass the second try.

i want kfc!

i dont want chicken rice.

lol.

=D

met my crazy pri sch girls.

met dolly first at taka.

den was walking aimlessly while waiting for candice and shanyun.

den the 4 of us went to buy a belated prezzie for lisa.

her bdae was on 2mar.

haa.

den waited for lisa to knock off from work at 630pm at paragon.

den we headed heeren for sakae for dinner.

we are reallie freaking big eaters.

except for shanyun lah.

the 4 of us ate abt 25dishes of sushi.

and some ala-carte dishes.

wow~

candice said tat eating jap food is not fattening.

so next time eat more jap food lor.

haa.

the most shocking thing is.

the bill came out to be $111.

wahaha~!!!

aft discount is $99.

lalala~

aft dinner we went went back to taka and wisma for some shopping.

candice and shanyun bought a tube dress from mango.

and my eyes caught a top there.

reallie like it.

but i just stop myself from spending le lah.

aft tat we 4.

dolly lisa candice and me.

we went back to our favourite hometown aka chap lao for dessert and drink.

haha.

hanging out with them is damn great.

making lots of noise inside heeren.

laughing out loud in the middle of orchard road.

tats y we are ourselves 'crazy 5'.

lol.

i suddenly feel tat im a good girl man.

lol.

as in i did not went out till late midnight le.

lke wat i used to do.

coz tat goondu jun's schedule is like totally different from mine.

i finished work den she start working.

or i just reached store and she's gg home liao.

and oso tat another goondu nina.

i tot i work full time liao at least got nina to acc me to crap during work.

stupid-ly.

she is selected to go to other stores for attachment.

for training for the new dunno watever system.

first she went marina center.

and now she's at east coast park.

ytd she told me she is gg to parkway aft east coast park.

wth lor~

den i ask her when she will be back in kallang.

well..

even she herself oso dunno.

yawns~

somehow or rather im like left 'alone' in the store.

sians~

so u see.

how are we one gang able to go out.

well to think back.

my last outing with them was with ismail.

the last ride i ever had till now.

hais.

is very difficult for me to forget lor.

but on the other hand.

u think i dont wana go out at night meh.

to me.

young must enjoy life mah.

but my mother will nv ever have those 'open' mindset to allow me to have more freedom.

hais.

is reallie ming ku not have freedom lor.

when den i can get my freedom?

21yrs old?

till the day i married?

hais.

i reallie got no idea.

'that's what friends are for'

the sentence is damn meaningfull.

and the song is real nice too.

jun called me early in the morning while im still in my dreams.

she need a favour from me to help her.

hmm well.

somehow dunno y i felt glad tat when she need help she rmb me.

she think of me.

coz i always tot tat she got her other friends and she neglect me.

seems like she is not tat kind of person.

hmm but..

who noes tat when she need help den she will look for me.

other den tat she dont care.

haiya suet ah~

dont think too much lah.

she is my best friend.

she is one of my friends who can understand me more den other friends.

hee.

called her just now.

same routine.

she ans.

she told me tat she will call me back.

but she did not.

for so long i had known her.

out of 10 times of her 'wait i call u back'

she will onli call me back once.

bth her.

as wat shan had tagged.

im 'FINALLY' attached.

ma chiam i got no one want.

yup tats wat i always thinking lah.

im always the swayest one who cant last a relationship long.

den u all one by one got attached.

in the past during gatherings one by one bringing bf along with u all.

somehow or rather left me alone who got no one to bring along.

did u all ever stand in my shoes and think for me?

how is the feeling like?

well think u all dunno how is the feeling is like.

actually i wana tell u all this damn long ago.

i just dunno how to tell u all.

dont have the courage to say it out.

every gathering i reallie have the urge to tell u all tat no guys are allowed.

do not bring bf.

but i did not say it.

somehow i felt tat if i do tat.

im selfish.

so i chose to be sad deep in me rather den to be selfish.

but as time goes by.

more and more gatherings.

i used to the sadness le.

the feeling is numb le.

like wat iris had said.

it had been a damn long time we ever have a 'all girls' gathering.

yup seriously i do miss those daes onli we girls de gathering.

hey~

for wat i had said above i got NO HARM k.

tat was my past feelings le.

as for now.

im happily in love.

lol.

lalala~

hee.

=P

hey ya ya ya.

i noe i damn long nv blog liao.

coz somehow reallie busy with work and everything ba.

well somehow my jies noes it le ba.

im attached.

hee.

knew him aft shan's big day.

met up with dolly and lisa to go nyp support shanyun artwork.

aft we visited shanyun.

we went to kbox plaza to k.

den dolly was saying she's gg pub with her friends.

asked lisa and me to join.

so ok lor.

aft kbox we went pub.

i oso dunno where is it lah.

somewhere ard chinatown i think.

haa.

did not reallie talked to him tat much tat night.

onli until the next morning dolly msg me saying tat he wants my number.

den everything started.

haa.

actually im quite stressed and worried abt this matter.

coz he is the guy tat dolly liked.

hais.

well.

he went to ask dolly will she mind if he jio me.

is like...

den dolly says tat she dont mind.

so everything begins.

(:

i dunno will there be anyone will say anything abt it behind my back.

i dont care.

as long as im happy can le.

ntu called me for an interview for mathematical sciences.

the course tat i put first choice.

reallie dunno hope to get in or not leh.

somehow having a mao dun feeling leh.

hmm.

well well well.

yup.

im back blogging le.

sorry to those who still constantly view my blog but yet i did not update.

yup.

lotsa things had happened.

firstly.

16feb is the day tat i say BYE to nyp.

no more lesson.

no more lecture.

no more tutorial.

no more lab.

no more fyp.

lol.

next.

cny.

same as b4.

went back m'sia.

but sad is my stomach not feeling well.

so actually did not ate so much good food.

but i still ate bak kua.

=x

lol.

yup.

went cameron highlands.

nice place.

shall visit there if got chance again.

next.

came back singapore.

busy doing shopping with my jies.

coz to buy dress for my liu jie's wedding.

(:

yupp!

got 1 from daniel yum.

hmm of coz not forgetting working.

not more school liao.

if nv work.

one day u all will see suet eating grass somewhere.

lol.

working hard of coz not forgetting to relax myself.

occasionally or can say quite often.

i will go out with nina, jun and some of the riders.

to had supper, bowling or sit down somewhere to chill out.

we all went club too.

we went hard rock cafe on bai's bdae.

yup yup.

im glad tat i can reallie clique with them quite well.

at least i wont be left out.

if not life will be damn miserable.

hmm ever since clique with them well.

i start to going home later and later.

opps!

=x

next.

is my shan liu jie's big day~!

7mar.

yup yup.

congrats wor my liu jie!

hope u wont forget ur sis hor!!

i bet u dont dare to forget.

lol.

hmm.

yup.

always rmb.

we will always be by ur side NO MATTER WAT HAPPEN.

(:

of coz not forgetting to take photos.

we took lotsa lotsa photos.

hee.

waiting for yun and iris to send or burn for me ba.

haa.

ohh ya.

another thing is.

recently im damn ON with my pri sch friends.

dolly, lisa, candice and shan yun.

lisa, dolly and me went kbox last night.

den went pub too.

tgt with dolly's friends.

hmm well next.

think is my emo time le ba.

seriously.

life is REALLY unpredictable.

u all see and continue reading.

i went supper with nina, jun and some other riders last sunday.

ismail tong bang me.

we all went to bukit timah for supper.

we all was as usual joking and talking craps.

aft supper.

ismail sent me home.

guess wat?!

this morning jun called me ard 7plus.

to inform me tat ismail pass away.

PASS AWAY?!?!

he's died!!

he met with an accident.

is a hit-and-run!!

heard tat his helmet flew off.

kinda serious.

died on the spot.

is a passer-by who called the ambulance.

he is actually on his way home.

within 5mins he will reach home liao de lor.

den met tat kind of fucking bastard driver.

hais.

jun and almost all the riders and ex-riders went to his hse.

i wanted to go too.

but i got a party gg on.

so did not go.

yup.

sad.

shocked.

unbelievable.

the last time i saw him is tat sunday midnight tat he sent me home.

my last word to him is 'bye'.

and its reallie a BYE.

sobs.

did not see him again coz i did not work from mon to thurs mah.

still can rmb the way he call me.

'ehh~ suet..~'

no more tat face.

no more tat voice.

no more ismail.

hais.

ohh did not tell u all how old is he.

he will be 21 on 24mar.

so he is not even 21yrs old lor.

hais.

so damn young die liao.

he got no illness or anything.

reallie lah.

life is just unpredictable lah.

ismail RIP``

hais next.

tom ma chaim bringing me round and round and round.

leading me to dunno where.

he himself oso dunno where is he heading to.

hais.

well.

i think sometimes somethings are meant to keep it to urself.

not even telling ur closest friend.

(:

well well well.

yup.

im back blogging le.

sorry to those who still constantly view my blog but yet i did not update.

yup.

lotsa things had happened.

firstly.

16feb is the day tat i say BYE to nyp.

no more lesson.

no more lecture.

no more tutorial.

no more lab.

no more fyp.

lol.

next.

cny.

same as b4.

went back m'sia.

but sad is my stomach not feeling well.

so actually did not ate so much good food.

but i still ate bak kua.

=x

lol.

yup.

went cameron highlands.

nice place.

shall visit there if got chance again.

next.

came back singapore.

busy doing shopping with my jies.

coz to buy dress for my liu jie's wedding.

(:

yupp!

got 1 from daniel yum.

hmm of coz not forgetting working.

not more school liao.

if nv work.

one day u all will see suet eating grass somewhere.

lol.

working hard of coz not forgetting to relax myself.

occasionally or can say quite often.

i will go out with nina, jun and some of the riders.

to had supper, bowling or sit down somewhere to chill out.

we all went club too.

we went hard rock cafe on bai's bdae.

yup yup.

im glad tat i can reallie clique with them quite well.

at least i wont be left out.

if not life will be damn miserable.

hmm ever since clique with them well.

i start to going home later and later.

opps!

=x

next.

is my shan liu jie's big day~!

7mar.

yup yup.

congrats wor my liu jie!

hope u wont forget ur sis hor!!

i bet u dont dare to forget.

lol.

hmm.

yup.

always rmb.

we will always be by ur side NO MATTER WAT HAPPEN.

(:

of coz not forgetting to take photos.

we took lotsa lotsa photos.

hee.

waiting for yun and iris to send or burn for me ba.

haa.

ohh ya.

another thing is.

recently im damn ON with my pri sch friends.

dolly, lisa, candice and shan yun.

lisa, dolly and me went kbox last night.

den went pub too.

tgt with dolly's friends.

hmm well next.

think is my emo time le ba.

seriously.

life is REALLY unpredictable.

u all see and continue reading.

i went supper with nina, jun and some other riders last sunday.

ismail tong bang me.

we all went to bukit timah for supper.

we all was as usual joking and talking craps.

aft supper.

ismail sent me home.

guess wat?!

this morning jun called me ard 7plus.

to inform me tat ismail pass away.

PASS AWAY?!?!

he's died!!

he met with an accident.

is a hit-and-run!!

heard tat his helmet flew off.

kinda serious.

died on the spot.

is a passer-by who called the ambulance.

he is actually on his way home.

within 5mins he will reach home liao de lor.

den met tat kind of fucking bastard driver.

hais.

jun and almost all the riders and ex-riders went to his hse.

i wanted to go too.

but i got a party gg on.

so did not go.

yup.

sad.

shocked.

unbelievable.

the last time i saw him is tat sunday midnight tat he sent me home.

my last word to him is 'bye'.

and its reallie a BYE.

sobs.

did not see him again coz i did not work from mon to thurs mah.

still can rmb the way he call me.

'ehh~ suet..~'

no more tat face.

no more tat voice.

no more ismail.

hais.

ohh did not tell u all how old is he.

he will be 21 on 24mar.

so he is not even 21yrs old lor.

hais.

so damn young die liao.

he got no illness or anything.

reallie lah.

life is just unpredictable lah.

ismail RIP``

hais next.

tom ma chaim bringing me round and round and round.

leading me to dunno where.

he himself oso dunno where is he heading to.

hais.

well.

i think sometimes somethings are meant to keep it to urself.

not even telling ur closest friend.

(: